The Law Of Mirroring – Why We Attract People Like Us Into Our Lives
The Law of Mirroring is one of the laws of attraction and it explains why we attract people just like us into our lives.
One of the most staggering things about other people is that they provide us with valuable, and often alarmingly intimate, information about who they are as soon as we meet them.
If we pay attention, we can pick up on the major clues they’re sending out through their body language, their appearance, their lifestyle, their actions, their interests, their words, how they treat their dogs, the waitress, themselves, etc.
All of this goes through the filter of who we are and, depending on our perceptions and judgments and hang-ups and the number of years spent in therapy, we decide if the person is someone we want to get to know better or not.
We’re All Attracted To, as Well as Turned Off By, Various Things About Other People.
And the things that stand out the most to us are the things that remind us the most of ourselves.
This is because other people are like mirrors for us:
If somebody bugs you, you’re projecting onto them something that you don’t like about yourself. If you think they’re awesome, they’re reflecting back something that you see in yourself that you like (even if it’s not developed in you yet).
Your Reality is Created by What You Focus On and How You Choose to Interpret It.
This goes for everything, including the things you focus on about the people in your world.
We attract people into our lives for a reason, just as they attract us into theirs.
We all help each other grow and figure out our issues if we seize the opportunity to learn from, instead of just react to (by getting defensive or justifying our actions or whining about), the highly irritating things other people do.
It’s our annoying friends or family members or clients or neighbors or lady on the train with the voice like a bullhorn who help us grow and see who we truly are even more than our beloved BFF’s do.
When We Attract People Like Us Into Our Lives, It’s a Great Learning Opportunity.
Don’t miss the glorious opportunity to learn that’s being handed to you by the person whose mouth you’d really love to stick your fist in.
The things that bother us about other people bother us because they remind us of something that we don’t like about ourselves.
Or their behavior triggers a fear or insecurity that we have, but may not realize we have.
When you find yourself dealing with someone who irritates you (and you find yourself getting gossipy, fingerpointy, judgy, complainey), rising up and confronting the situation can do a lot more than just making your life more pleasant in the long run; it can help you heal and grow and get out of victim mode.
This is because it forces you to deal with the gnarlier aspects of yourself, the parts that make you not so proud.
None of us care to admit that we’re dishonest, conceited, insecure, unethical, mean, bossy, stupid, lazy, etc., but that’s what attracted you to the people you notice it in, and them to you, in the first place.
And admitting it is the first step in letting go.
Here Are Some Tips to Help You Get the Most Out of Your Daily Experiences:
Own Your Ugly –
Start noticing the things that drive you nuts about other people, and, instead of complaining or judging or getting defensive about them, use them as a mirror. Especially if you find yourself getting really worked up.
Get mighty real with yourself – is this quality something you have yourself? Or is there a certain aspect to it that you’re loath to admit is just like you?
Does it remind you of something you’re actively trying to suppress? Or avoid?
Is it something that you’re actively doing just the opposite of? Or that you’re threatened by?
Become fascinated by, instead of furious about, the irritants surrounding you and learn from them.
Question Your Ugly –
Once you discover what part of yourself you’re projecting onto the person who is presently bugging you, you can start letting it go.
Begin by asking yourself some very simple questions and diffusing the limiting and false stories you’ve been lugging around for ages.
For example, if you’re mad that your friend who’s always late is late again, it’s pushing your buttons. This is probably because you’re holding on to some sort of “truth” about the way people should be with time.
Flip it around and ask yourself things like, “In what ways am I always late or inconsiderate or unreliable?”
Or maybe it’s “In what ways am I too rigid or controlling?”
Once you have your answer, ask yourself:
Who do I Need to be for this Situation Not to Bother me? –
Maybe you discover that you’re a lot more rigid than you care to admit.
This is very valuable information because you now know that in order to be happier, you need to loosen your grip.
Stop insisting that people do things exactly the way you do them, notice where you’re being ridiculously demanding simply because it’s become your habit, and not because it’s really necessary.
By becoming aware of what we do, we can investigate why we do it and then choose to keep it or drop it, instead of blindly reacting through habit.
What am I Getting out of Being This Way? –
We don’t do anything unless we’re getting something out of it, even if what we’re getting are false benefits.
Using this scenario, some of the positive beliefs of being rigid are that you’re always on time, you get things done, etc.
But there are also negative advantages to being rigid too: you intimidate people into getting your way, you get to be right whenever someone messes up (which they’ll probably do often if you’ve really honed the rigid thing well), you get to be in control, etc.
Once you bust yourself on the false reward you’re getting from holding on to this behavior, you can see it for what it is – something that’s not always in alignment with you who truly are and aspire to be – and release it when it’s not working.
How Would I Feel if I Wasn’t This Way? –
One of the best ways to release this behavior is to ask yourself how you’d feel if this wasn’t true for you anymore.
Ask the question and then imagine yourself as this person who has let it go.
How does your body feel? What do you use the brain space for that used to be taken up with those poisonous thoughts?
Feel into the reality of what it would be to let this go, breathe into it, visualize it, fall in love with not having it anymore, and then kick it to the curb.
Don’t be an Enabler –
Recognize the difference between helping and being an enabler.
When you reach out a helping hand, do you feel like they’re pulling you down or that you’re lifting them up toward their potential?
Are they grateful or entitled? Do they use your help to actively move in a positive direction or do they constantly need more-more-more?
Pay attention and trust how you feel.
If you’re truly helping them and they’re rising to the occasion, it will raise everyone’s frequencies and you’ll feel good.
If you’re enabling them, you’ll feel heavy, depressed, and eventually resentful.
It’s Time to Let Go –
Sometimes, no matter how much work you do on yourself and how forgiving you are and how skilled you get at letting it go, there’s just no way around it:
Some people are just too committed to their own dysfunction.
They’re painful to be around. You’d rather cover yourself with the fleas of a thousand camels than go out for a cup of coffee with them.
This is about learning and loving and growing into the highest version of yourself, not seeing just how much torture you can endure.
So it’s also important to understand how to get away from them if they’re chronically self-obsessed or violent or blaming or negative or controlling or jealous or high drama or manipulative or victimized or whiney or pessimistic or mean to animals.
Remembering that you are rising up to be the highest version of yourself instead of shrinking down to their level can give you the strength you need to shake them off and let them go.
At the end of the day, it’s not about them, it’s about you believing you’re worthy of being loved and seen for who you really are.
It’s about respecting yourself, instead of catering to your insecure need to be liked.
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By Lynn Huber
p.s. At the end of the day, it’s not about them, it’s about you believing you’re worthy of being loved and seen for who you really are.
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