It’s Time to Forgive
It may not be easy to forgive.
But there is a place for healing. There is a place for letting go – and there is a place for moving forward.
When was the last time you physically hurt yourself? What did you do to get the pain to stop, …and how long did you wait before you did something about it?
With physical pain, we’re usually right quick about taking care of it and getting it to go away.
But with emotional pain, many of us seem to want to see just how much torture we can endure, wallowing in our guilt, shame, resentment… sometimes for entire lifetimes. We relive our worst moments over and over and over instead of letting them go. We won’t rest until we’ve made sure someone else feels as badly as they’ve just made us feel.
But, the moment you choose to forgive and let your negative feelings melt always, you are on the road to freedom.
“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.” ~Oprah Winfrey
Forgiveness is about taking care of yourself, not the person you need to forgive.
It’s about making your desire to feel good more important than your desire to be right.
Holding on to your resentment is like taking poison and waiting for your enemies to die.
So now that we’ve established that we need to forgive and let go of the negative in our lives, it’s time to make that happen.
Letting go can sometimes be a little tough, but there are things that can help:
Finding compassion for yourself or someone else who did something so so awful is like pulling a bullet out of your arm. You may kick and scream and hate it at first, but in the long run, it’s the only way to start the real healing.
One of the best ways is to try to imagine the person you’re resentful of as a little kid.
Think of this little kid acting out of fear, doing the best they can to protect themselves and attempting to deal with their own suffering in the only way they know how.
The truth is, hurt people hurt people. People only act poorly because they are in pain or confused or both. The same is true for you if you are the one you need to forgive.
Erase the Other Person from the Equation
When someone does something awful to you, take that person out of the equation so you can open yourself up to have a more pleasant and productive reaction.
It’s not really about them anyway, it’s about you. If you have nobody to be angry with, it’s hard to be angry.
Instead, it opens up the incident for questioning. Why did this happen? How was I involved? Why did I attract this to myself? How can I grow from this?
When you’re consumed by resentment, the lesson can’t get through all your emotions. Do yourself a favor and use irritating situations and people as opportunities for growth, not pain.
Decide You’d Rather be Happy than Right
Is it really worth lugging around all those bad feelings, just so you can be right?
Think to yourself, “What do I have to do or not do, or think or not think, right now, to be happy?”
And if the answer is, “Let him think he’s right,” then so be it.
Look at it from All Angles
Keep in mind that everyone is living in their own little world and that you have no idea what they’re acting out or where they’re coming from.
So just because you think something is totally not okay, in their illusion it could be fine and your way could be totally not okay.
If you can look at it from another perspective and loosen your stranglehold on it being my way or the highway, you may be surprised how quickly resentment flies out the window.
Have a Total Freak-Out!
Go somewhere alone and far away from other people and beat the heck out of a pillow or mattress or some other soft, inanimate object that won’t hurt you.
Scream and yell about what a selfish little pig this person is, and go for it 100% until you’re exhausted or someone comes by and stops you.
Get it out of your system, totally and completely, and then let it go.
In a Few Years is any of this Even Going to Matter?
Try and think of someone who had you totally freaking out and all upset three years ago.
Can you even come up with someone?
Whatever or whomever you need to forgive at this moment will most likely be a mere blip on your radar not very long from now.
So why make a huge drama out of it if you’re only going to forget all about it one day anyway?
Forget About It
Once you’re forgiven someone, wipe the slate clean.
Release all expectations, let everyone off the hook, and start over again. Expect only the best from them regardless of what they’ve done in the past, and you may be surprised.
What you focus on, you create more of, and if you keep expecting people to annoy you they will not let you down.
Focus on their finer points and encourage their good behavior if you want to create more of it.
Forgiveness can be tough. But if you take the action to make it go away and heal yourself, you’ll find that everything will get better – from your life, to your business, to your family, to your relationships.
And then you can achieve true success!
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Let’s have some conversation!
By Lynn Huber
p.s.Forgiveness is about taking care of yourself, not the person you need to forgive.
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