This is something that plagues so many of us, and it breaks my heart. Some people call it low self-esteem, shame, or the inner critic. Whatever it’s called, we secretly feel unworthy and we are afraid to take the risk to let others see us as we are.
Because of this we feel disconnected, alienated, separate and alone.
We close ourselves off, feeling lonely even when we’re around others. We numb ourselves from these painful feelings of unworthiness by eating or drinking too much, overspending, and keeping incredibly busy.
All we really want is to be happy. We want to be joyful and fulfilled, grateful and connected. We want to just relax and enjoy our lives without having to constantly work to keep ourselves safe.
It’s not your fault. This is almost always caused by something that happened when you where a small child, and it probably wasn’t even what you thought it was at the time.
But you can overcome it. You can take responsibility for and change your feelings. You can learn to be compassionate towards yourself. You can live your best life!
Here are some ideas to help you:
Let Go of The Past –
Somehow you came to the conclusion that you are lacking because of how someone reacted toward you. If you don’t stop yourself, you will keep repeating this story forever. Let the past go. Every time these thoughts appear, don’t give them the energy. Let them float by like clouds across the sky. Instead focus on what’s happening now and the life force around you.
Challenge Your Beliefs About Yourself –
Start paying attention to what you’re saying to yourself – I’m stupid, I can’t succeed, I will be laughed at, I’m unlovable. None of these thoughts are the slightest bit true. Recognize that they play in your mind in an endless loop and they limit your capacity for happiness. They don’t serve you so let them go and move on.
Stop Judging Yourself –
We reject ourselves and each other in so many ways. Stop being unkind to yourself. Treat yourself like gold. Find a generous space in your heart that is available to receive everything that arises in you without exception.
Be Willing to Be Free –
It’s easy to hold onto negative feelings because they are known to you. This unworthiness you’re feeling has been with you your entire life. Imagine that you send this identity away. Things would then be very different in your world. Have the courage to let it go and step out into the unknown and be free of what’s holding you back.
Risk Rejection –
You have to be willing to put yourself out there if you don’t want to be trapped by your unworthiness any longer. Be your whole, radiant, magnificent, awkward, scared, quirky self. Some people may shy away, but others will be drawn to your gorgeous authenticity. And then you will know that they love you for who are.
Access your Natural Resilience –
You have what it takes to overcome this unworthiness. Work on living in the totality of you – that means all of you. Create a momentum and keep it going.
Start Small –
Take one situation or encounter and approach it without the cloak of unworthiness. Stretch the edges of your comfort zone just a little more each time. Don’t allow yourself to become discouraged. Baby steps are what it takes. Keep at it – your happiness hangs in the balance.
Rinse and Repeat –
This is a lifelong process and it takes time. You’ll never be able to totally eliminate those thoughts and feelings. But instead, work to bring a loving presence to them. Se them, acknowledge them, and then let them pass by while you bask in the fullness of your being. Do this every time they arise and eventually they will soften. You’ve lived with this unworthiness identity for maybe decades. Be patient. Give it time and loving attention, and it will loosen its grip.
You don’t have to live in this secret hell. If you feel you are flawed and lacking, own it. Learn how to work intelligently with this experience. Ground yourself in the truth, surround yourself with the loving Universe, and let the world see your shining face.
I’d love to hear about your journey. Please share with us in the comments below.
<—— Did this article help you? If so, it would mean a lot to me if you would share it with others!!! And, share your comments below! I would LOVE to know more about you and your thoughts on this subject!
Let’s have some conversation!
By Lynn Huber
p.s. Take some deep, slow breaths and feel the love coming in. And then let yourself rest in the arms of love, and know that you are worthy and valuable.
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